Becoming a caregiver for a loved one can bring unexpected challenges, often unrecognised by the caregiver or those around them. Grief during this journey isn't limited to the eventual loss of the person you're caring for; it encompasses many aspects of life and can manifest in various ways.

What might grief look like?

Grief presents differently in different people. It can look like exhaustion, feeling flat, numb, overwhelmed, frustrated, more irritable or angry, wanting to withdraw, or feeling like you don’t have time for yourself. There may also be a sense of guilt and sometimes shame for feeling this grief or loss. Dr. Phoebe Lau, a clinical psychologist, notes that caregivers might feel guilty for wanting the whole situation to be over due to sheer exhaustion. These emotions can translate physically, causing changes in appetite or sleep.

What might you grieve as you step into a caregiver role?

Your identity: When all you do is care for your loved one, your identity may feel overshadowed, leaving little room for other aspects of your life to inform your sense of self.

Your previous life: The ability to socialise, go on holidays, or even maintain a job might be severely impacted, altering your day-to-day life and reducing your income.

Your future: Anticipatory grief may arise from the loss of future plans with your loved one, whether it’s a grand retirement trip or moving to a new home together.

Your relationships: You might grieve the changing dynamics with your loved one, such as losing the role of a child when caring for a parent or feeling like a spouse when caring for a partner. Friends and family may also drift away, not wanting to confront the reality of the situation.

How can you process grief?

It’s crucial to acknowledge your own grief, even when it feels insignificant compared to your loved one's suffering. Experts suggest several ways to cope:

Reflect daily: Spend a few minutes each day checking in with yourself, noticing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Redirect your focus onto what matters to you and who you want to be for your loved one. This can bring back a sense of control and purpose.

Reach out: Talk about your experience with trusted friends, support groups, or professionals. Expressing your feelings helps your brain process and structure the information.

Engage in pleasurable activities: Identify non-negotiables that bring you joy and ensure they fit into your schedule. This reminds you that you are more than just a caregiver.

How can Violet Guides help?

We recognise that each person's journey through grief is unique and comes with its own set of challenges. Our Violet Guides are here to offer you compassionate support and a comforting presence as you navigate this difficult time. They can help you understand that grief can take many forms and reassure you that what you're feeling is completely normal. Additionally, they will connect you with the wider Violet community for ongoing support and gently explore the concept of continuing bonds, helping you find ways to cherish and remember your loved one even though they are no longer physically present.

For more information and support, chat to Violet via the message box below, register for your Violet Plan, or book to speak with a Violet Guide via the menu links at www.meetviolet.ai